Tales to tell.

I decided when I started this blog, not to tell my story from start to finish, but to allow it to be told in a natural way, as memories and events, ideas and inspirations surface. I have a lot of stories, waiting to be shared, from when my son was a baby to the present. But they will be told in their own time, when they urge me to be told.

Being the parent of an ASD (I still don't like the D for disorder...perhaps it could be D for Difference instead?? i'll make it for now, "A Special Dude", he wouldn't like being called dude, but this is my story ) child has caused me to reflect deeply on many aspects of society, from the expectations of my own family to the broader community. It's made me a kinder, more forgiving, more compassionate person...and has made me re-evaluate much of what I formerly took for granted. I now see many of societies subtle rules through my sons eyes, and recognize the gaping holes in logic that we at times call "politeness". I've learned to be more questioning of what I once took for granted....and have learned to be braver in standing my ground when a social or cultural norm doesn't suit who we are as individuals and as a family.

I also learned to hide. To create a private world where we were free to relax. I learned to relish the gems of insights that come from my sons mouth. I've come to secretly prefer his rich world to the stifled social order of the day. I enjoy the freshness and pure novelty of his perspectives, and his ability to say what we all know...but no one had ever said before., in a way that the truth is undeniably laid bare for all to see.

For years, every time my son opened his mouth, he sent my brain spinning. His reality was so left of field of my own that I had to shift way beyond what was natural and comfortable to even begin to understand him. For years days and weeks went by when every conversation was a struggle. Just to hear what he had said was a challenge as his speech was broken, sometimes inaudible and idiocentric, but even having heard him correctly, to know what the hell to do with what he had just said, just about did me in?? He challenged my parameters, my conditioning, my upbringing and my values time and time and time again with nearly every sentence he spoke.

Because of this I am absolutely stunned that not only is his speech now intelligible, he has a clear deep manly speaking voice for a 15 yr old.....but we are now able to have conversations that are deeply stimulating in a positive way. I have no idea what the future with bring. He has landed me securely in the present. I have seen changes that I would have considered to be miracles, when there was a time those changes seemed absolutely impossible. I can only have faith in the daily unfolding of our lives.